Monday, April 30, 2012


Sometimes I am just completely surprised by people and their nerve....

This is to those of you who have known us for YEARS and still have the nerve to talk about us behind our backs, and to our FAMILY nonetheless. Did you really think you could talk about us to our own FAMILY and it wouldn't get back to us?

So to answer some of your disgusting doubts, YES Recker REALLY DOES have Autism.

I can't believe I just had to say that.

I can't believe that there are people who know us that would doubt us and our honesty about such a horrendous thing.


To those who like to "joke" and make light of our family's situation...Shame on you.

You look and sound so ignorant and foolish.

I am embarrassed for you.

I have had to deal with things like this from strangers and random people in grocery stores and doctors offices, but from people I considered "friends," is like i said before, disgusting and hateful.

When you "joke," make light and doubt our family and what we've been going through, it belittles our endless nights of tears, sleepless nights worrying and stressing about Recker's health, and lack of development.

It is easy for you to say hatful judgmental things, some of you don't even have children. The ones that do, while you are "worrying" about which dance class or t-ball team to put your little one on, we are worrying how we're going to get through the day, how we are going to get Recker to come out of his shell and how to treat his sensory processing disorder so that we can take him out of the house to restaurants and grocery stores without having a meltdown and getting nasty looks and whispered comments about my "horrible parenting" and my "undisciplined spoiled child."  While you are complaining about how your child won't shut up in the back seat, we are praying and fasting that one day we will be blessed enough to even hear our son's voice, that one day we will have a breakthrough and have the blessing of hearing those words every parent can't wait to hear, "mama" and "dada."

You aren't just making light of our family, but you are talking about a little boy. A boy that only has LOVE for everyone. A boy who was sent directly from our Father in Heaven.

Remember that.

Remember that the next time hurtful words are about to leave your lips...

I would never wish it on anyone, but one day you could VERY POSSIBLY be right where i am today.

In case you weren't listening during conference....

" When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:
Stop it!
It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick.” -Dieter F. Uchtdorf
 “I have a great appreciation for those loving parents who stoically bear and overcome their anguish and heartbreak for a child who was born with or who has developed a serious mental or physical infirmity. This anguish often continues every day, without relief, during the lifetime of the parent or the child. Not infrequently, parents are required to give superhuman nurturing care that never ceases, day or night. Many a mother’s arms and heart have ached years on end, giving comfort and relieving the suffering of her special child.” -President James E. Faust

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Diamond Backs Game

We were so excited to get a call on Thursday asking if we would come down onto the field for the beginning of the game to represent Autism Speaks and SARRC as a family with Autism. The Diamondbacks did an Autism Awarenss day on Friday. They set up a playground for children with Autism, they had several sections reserved for families with Autism and served gluten-free food. We had such a blast being down on the field and when they announced our names and had us up on the JumboTron Recker was so excited!! Recker did better than we could have ever imagined. We had the best seats behind home base and Recker stood there so well and ate bugles, cotton candy and lemonade! We were so grateful and honored to be asked to do this!

[Recker loved being down on the field, seeing all the 
players and the mascots. I was so surprised the sound
and lights didn't bother him more.]
[view from our seats]
[i love that he insists on always holding both of our hands]

SARRC Annual Breakfast.

I was so excited to get an email from Amy Hummell (Director of Autism Speaks) asking if I would join them at the SARRC Annual Breakfast (SARRC-Southwest Autism Research & Resource Center) as a guest at the Autism Speaks Table. I was so excited to go and see what SARRC has in store for this year and hear about their progress the previous years. SARRC is INCREDIBLE to say the least. They offer something that no where else in the world offers for Autism. Their research is Amazing and the resources they have for children and ADULTS with Autism is incomparable to anywhere else! I am sooooo excited to get Recker into their JumpStart Program! I know that it will help him more than anything he's had so far, and anything the that i could give him alone. The breakfast is the largest even that the Biltmore hosts each year, and I can see why, there were 2500 people in attendance and majority of them were PAYING to be there! I was so honored and grateful to have been invited as a guest! It was an amazing event and not many dry eyes in the room. The entire time i had a knot in my throat, the kind that doesn't go away. I was doing everything i could to keep from losing it, I know it has been almost a year since he was diagnosed but it is still SOOOO fresh in my mind and especially heart. That day runs through my memory like it was yesterday, the feeling of loss and despair is still with us, somedays we forget, but for the most part it is still there, so fresh. The stories and videos of the children that SARRC has helped and affected were so touching and i can only pray that one day we can get Recker into their school.

Enchanted Trip.

Recker has had so much fun getting together with friends (Dylan, Scout, and Olive) and going to the Zoo and Encanto Park's Enchanted Island. We had a BLAST! I might have more fun than him, but whats new? But I must say he did soooo well at both, little to NO meltdowns (maybe a little one when i pulled him away from the splash pad at the zoo) but i am so proud! We love the zoo, and Recker loves to ride the camels and i give in every time because he is soooo calm and relaxed afterwards, SOOOOO WORTH IT! Enchanted Island was everything that it would seem, $3 for unlimited rides and splash pad! We did the teacups, train ride and rode the FASTEST carousel I've ever been on. When he started that bad boy up lindsay and i both had to grab onto a pole because we would have flown off that thing. His favorite was the Splash Pad! He played for a good 15 minutes and then he just shut down. I looked up and he was standing in the middle with his eyes glued tightly shut and his hands over his ears squeezing harder than I've ever seen. This is not a new thing, but it is definitely becoming more frequent, and brought on easier than ever before. It was just so overstimulating, the sound of the mini rollarcoaster next to the splash pad, all the different water holes popping up and all the kids screaming and running around. It was just too much for him to handle, so he just absolutely shut down. I called his name and he wouldn't respond. I got up and walked over to see if he would look at me, he wouldn't even open his eyes to see who was touching him. So i picked him up soaking wet and had him come sit on my lap, hoping he would relax. It was the longest and worst he has had yet. We decided to go grab dinner at 5 guys afterwards and made it home just in time to put the tired kids to was a PERFECT day! I am so grateful for such amazing friends that are understanding and patient with Recker and try to understand his Autism and actually ask questions.....THANK YOU Lacy, Lindsay and Ashley!!

[Phoenix Zoo]

[Enchanted Park]
[As Lindsay put it, This was just a delayed response to what
had just happened in the parking lot 5 minutes earlier]
(This was the best we could get while driving and the kids 
screaming in the back seat for more bugles)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Easiest $300 I've ever made!

So I'm apart of several market research companies and weekly receive opportunities to qualify to get paid for completing questionnaires and giving my opinion about products and services. I LOVE it because it usually takes an hour or so and you get paid average $75-$100.

Well I got an email last week about a "caregivers" research study that one of the companies was doing, it offered $300 for an hour interview and for me to complete a little "journal assignment"/collage. So yesterday i met the two kindest ladies who flew down from Minnesota to come to my house and interview me. They wanted to talk about my experience as a caregiver for Recker. They wanted to know what my days were like, how it felt to have someone who is entirely dependent on me for EVERYTHING because he is 100% non verbal and can not communicate his needs and wants. They wanted to know about my experience with our insurance company and AHCCCS/ALTCS that Recker is on through DDD and early intervention.

It was hard to hold back my emotions. I don't know if in the past year, anyone has really sat down with me and asked me,
"How do you do it?"
"How does it affect YOU?"
"How do YOU feel?".

It was so odd answering about MYSELF, I am usually answering about and for Recker. These ladies were sooo kind and sweet and most importantly patient with Recker and myself, as Recker was climbing all over everything and trying to knock over their tripod/camera (oh did i mention it was recorded?). Anyways it was the easiest and fastest $300 I've ever made, and therapeutic at the same time! Thank you Plaza!!

This is one of the Collages they had me make about what it is like for me to care for Recker. 

This is one that shows our past present and future feelings of Recker and his healthcare.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

World Autism Awareness Day

We were so excited to celebrate World Autism Awarenss Day on April 2nd! We're so lucky to have such loving and supportive family and friends! I bought out Home Depot and resold all their Autism Speaks blue light bulbs and all the money went towards Team Recker. I can't begin to express our thanks to our friends Ashley and Logan Cooper! They went door to door and got all of the residents in their apartment complex to purchase bulbs and "Light it up Blue" in honor of Recker. We were so touched and grateful for the simple act of kindness that they showed our family and Recker (Thank you! We love you guys!).

We went down to Brookline College because they did a lighting ceremony. It was awesome to see support from the community!! Blake, Chloe and my mom joined us!

 Recker loved the blue cookies and balloons!!!

Just a little collection of photos of recker in blue! (some of them were repeated accidentally!)

Parking Garages and Emergency Rooms

We woke up Saturday morning to a sick little boy. He was BURNING up and within an hour his fever went from 100 to 103.5, we were worried! Normally i wouldn't be worried but he has NEVER had a fever, even when he had DOUBLE INNER EAR INFECTIONS. Soooo we called the doctor, his office was was Saturday. So we decided to take him to Urgent Care, it wasn't open was Saturday. Soooo we ended up deciding to go to the ER. We drove out to Phoenix Childrens Hospital because I am SURE that no other hospital could handle or work as well with Recker as PCH. They are specialists in little people, why wouldn't we take him there?

As we are pulling up to the hospital, the ER parking lot is full so we have to drive around the corner to the parking garage. The second that garage came into my vision I got a knot in my throat. I was instantly sick to my stomach. I was FLOODED with emotion. Everytime I have ever been in that parking garage, you could have caught me violently sobbing in my car. That garage is where I have to park to visit his Developmental Pediatrician. Before every visit the waterworks begin, I sit until they are under control so I can get through his appointment without crying. The second we hit that elevator to the level where my car is parked i lose it. I sit in my car sometimes for over an hour sobbing, trying to digest everything that was just told to me in Recker's appointments (usually not good news). That parking garage represents sadness. So as Jeremy and I pull into that same garage to take Recks to the ER, I couldn't hold back the emotion, i was brought to tears. Tears that were lost on Jeremy, he did not understand. Unfortunately I have to attend these appointments alone, so Jeremy has never seen me at those vulnerable moments sobbing in my car. I used to shy away from things or events that I assumed were "too difficult to do alone," I can't do that anymore. I have learned how strong I really am. Whether it be because that strength has always been here, hidden within, Or i have just been forced to become stronger. I have done and overcome so many things the past year that i just KNEW there was NO WAY i was going to be able to do it, to face it, or to admit it. But I was FORCED to pull that strength from somewhere, I needed to to be an advocate for Recker, to get through my days, to be a wife and mother.

Anyways we were received and admitted quickly into the ER. We were in our own room for over 3 hours! Recker has ear infections in both ears and a really NASTY fever. Well he absolutely refuses to take any antibiotics! We've tried EVERYTHING from mixing it into chocolate milk, juice, applesauce, holding him down and force feeding it, EVERTHING. He throws it up within seconds. So they gave him double shots in both his thighs. Poor guy, it took 5 adults to hold him down (two were men)! But at least we don't have to fight him to take meds! He is doing ok, but his fever keeps slipping back up. Hopefully we won't end up back at the doctors again anytime soon!