Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Hidden Blessings

I often wonder WHY. Not specifically about Recker and Autism, but in general about major events that have happened in my life. I have always wondered why they happened, when at the time they caused me so much pain. The answer to ALL of my WHY's is simply RECKER. He is the answer to EVERY question WHY. I know that EVERYTHING that I've endured and gone through in my past was all meant to happen to bring me to this moment in my life right now...RECKER. I could go through a huge long list of what lead to what that lead me to here. But in a short version, Louisiana was one of the best decisions of my life. It all lead me to my job at Highland Park Elem in (special ed) and to jeremy. I always wonder WHY did i take that job at the school?! it was NOT something that i knew anything about! The only experience i've ever had with special needs was at the Randalph House once a year with our youth church group. And honestly i was uncomfortable while i was there, maybe because i never knew if Pilar was going to POP up out of no where and scare the crap out of me like she loved to do to everyone! Anyways that job was soooo difficult, the teacher was difficult to work for (the first teacher i worked for) and one of the children had a personal vendetta against me (hahaha not really, but seriously ask me about the day i literally ran out of the classroom and drove home in the middle of work to climb in bed and cry to my mom). EVERY SINGLE YEAR i swore to myself that it would be my last, that i was done with it and was I QUITTING! But year after year i stuck it out (mostly because of the women i worked with and i love one of the students, even though she drives me crazy sometimes with her stubbornness!) and never quit, i endured the severely underpaid job and i could honestly NEVER answer the question WHY. Even when throughout my time there i endured: Dislocating my knee, chronic sinus infections from parents sending in their clearly very sick child to school, in the earlier years we were beat up daily, spit on, bit, kicked, punched, slapped, pinched, hair pulled, did i mention SPIT ON in the face on purpose?, i got punched in the stomach when i was pregnant, i had a student slap me across the face and cut my eyeball with her nasty dirty fingernail and had to go to the hospital and wear an eye patch, i was the designated LICE checker (we had a student who had CHRONIC LICE, yes. i became a PRO at combing and picking out nits and catching the live louse bug on her head), can't tell you how many times our lunches were ruined because one of the kids stuck their dirty usually boogery fingers in our food. I could go on for days.  I DAILY asked myself WHY am i still here, WHY am i doing this?! Now i know. It was because of RECKER. I know that if i would not have had those almost 6 years of working in the special ed area and learning ALL the things i learned (mostly from the amazing Jodi Kelley) there is absolutely NO WAY i would be able to handle having a child with special needs. I KNOW that i was at the job for a reason, that i felt i needed to stay because i really did NEED to. I needed to be prepared. I needed to learn. I needed to be ready. I feel sooo blessed that i have now first hand have seen both sides. I have seen how difficult some parents can be and how SOME take advantage of the system, I've seen how that affects the classroom, and now being a parent, i see both sides. I am so blessed to have the knowledge and experience that i do. I know that if i were to walk into Dr. Robin Blitz's office on D-DAY (diagnosis day) and i never had any of the knowledge that i do, it would have been completely different experience. I can't even imagine. If i didn't know what i know, i wouldn't have known so early that something was wrong. He wouldn't have been diagnosed as early as he was! I could go on with all the blessings we have experienced. I am just so grateful. I can't imagine being told my child has something as severe as autism and not know ANYTHING about it, like most parents when their child is diagnosed, i am so blessed. I am so grateful to Jodi Kelley, she is an incredible teacher and person! I have learned so much from her, not only about the special needs area but about children in general. She taught me PATIENCE (she probably won't believe that haha but its true). She did all this by her actions, she is incredible with those kids and i was so lucky to be able to work with her. Special Education teachers and staff seriously do NOT get enough credit for all that they do. The women i worked with were amazing and i look up to them immensely. They were incredible examples of mothers and taught me so much! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!

ps it may sound like i hated my job, but in all honesty loved it. i loved loved loved the kids, they were hilarious and so fun! I know Jodi, Nadine and Laurie are probably rolling their eyes haha. Yes they absolutely drove me crazy and some days i honestly thought i was losing my mind but the good days made up for those crazy ones. I miss my job, the kids and the ladies! But i LOVE being able to be with RECKER!!


  1. great post Kayla, I'm so glad you are blogging about this

  2. I love how much you love your darling little Recker! You are one amazing lady, and I admire you. I loved this post, and I am grateful you blog about hard things, and that you are honest-- it is a breath of fresh air!

    1. Thank you Hayley! We really need to get our boys together soon!